Transitions

A few days ago I didn't take my daily walk until well after dinner, almost bedtime. Dusk had deepened to dark, and I didn't want to go out. It's perfectly safe after dark in my neighborhood, I'll have the company of several dog-walkers, and luckily it wasn't cold. I just would have preferred to stay indoors.

I went out, and my brisk, ten-minute walk was entirely pleasurable. While walking I realized that the only thing I didn't like was the transition – putting on my socks and shoes and jacket, strapping on the hip pack to carry my phone. Even as I type this it seems ridiculous, so much reluctance about so little. It can be much harder; just wait till winter.

But this is my usual reaction to transitions that involve stopping what I'm doing that's comfortable or fun and starting something else that I need to do but don't particularly want to do. There's always an argument between me and my future self. It's taken a lot of self-training, some helpful tricks, and quite a few encounters with my unhappy future self, but the result by now is that Future Me usually wins. This post by Gretchen Rubin has many ideas for creatively working with my future self.

Here are some things that help make my transitions easier.

• Routines. The most useful grammatical construction for getting things done is "When ... then ... ." As in, "When I finish my violin practice, then I'll have lunch." "When I've done my daily Spanish quiz, then I can check Instagram." There's a subtle difference between this and a reward. "When ... then ..." refers to the order of things, i.e., the routine. Of course, I have to establish the routine, a process that involves some experimentation. Once the routine is set, I find that telling myself "When ... then ..." is kinder and more effective than demanding "work before play."

• Rituals. These are similar to routines, but shorter and more focused. While a routine sets the sequence of several different activities, a ritual is a series of small moves making the transition to the work. My ritual for starting to practice the clarinet is to assemble the instrument, take out the reeds I'll use, put the music on the stand, then go to the kitchen and get a small glass of water for soaking the reeds. That's the last step before I close my office door, put the reed on the mouthpiece, start my timer, and begin to play. I like to have a "last step" in any ritual. It's the point of no return; the only thing to do next is the work.

• Accountability partner. Meeting a friend for exercise or co-working is a powerful motivator. I have to show up, or make an excuse and know that I'm letting down someone else. My friend Trish is my accountability partner for a long walk every Thursday morning, and the conversations we share are added incentive. I also use inanimate partners, apps on my phone and Apple Watch. I tend to overuse them, sometimes absurdly, pushing myself to close the three rings (Move, Exercise, Stand – Google it, if you're curious), but it works. The little dopamine hits help to keep me on track with my real goals.

• Countdown. We can thank Mel Robbins for this simple tip, introduced in her mega-bestseller The 5 Second Rule and related talks, courses, etc. For anything that I really strongly do not want to do – lots of things in my daily life fit that description – I count down five seconds, 5-4-3-2-1, then move. Newton's first law of motion takes over. Once I'm in motion, the transition is done and it's much easier to keep moving.

The difference between how I feel before my first set in the gym and how I feel after my first set is enormous. You don't even need a full workout (or work session, etc.) to feel good again. You are 5 minutes away from putting your day on a completely different trajectory. – James Clear, 3-2-1 Newsletter, June 8, 2023